Trailer Park #1

This is something I tried to start on my MySpace blog and it didn't really pan out.

I'm gonna rock some movie trailer analysis, albeit on this slow connection in China. Here we go.

1. Felon- Val Kilmer, Stephen Dorrrfff, that cute chick who died on 24 last season, if not two seasons ago.

Dude protects his home, gets sent to jail, has to deal with the harsh realities of prison. Personally, I don't know why someone would tread over this ground after it's been done so many times. From the trailer, things seem kinda predictable and bland.

GRADE: B- Normally a C, but you get the Kilmer Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Bump.

2. Quarantine- Jennifer Carpenter from Dexter and some others, including Jonathan Schaech (??) from That Thing You Do!


So, this is Cloverfield, minus the monster, plus a zombie disease with some torture porn thrown in to make it marketable to the kids out there. I like the lead, but it's not enough to make me go see this. If there's one genre of movies I wish we could get rid of, it's these "Saw" rip-offs. Kudos on copying Abrams with the handi-cam action (I especially loved the line, "TAPE EVERYTHING! DO YOU HEAR ME?!" I filled in, "YEAH, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T WE HAVE NO MOVIE!"), but just not buying this.

GRADE: D+ Barely passing, but on thin thin ice.

3. Rain of Madness. The best part about this is that it isn't even real. It's a fake documentary that ties in to "Tropic Thunder" the new Ben Stiller, Jack Black, RDJ (That's Robert Downey, Jr. for those who aren't hip to the lingidy.) flick about a film crew that sets out to make a war movie and ends up...wait for it...fighting in an actual war! It's "Galaxy Quest", but it looks damned funny and might mark the return of Ben Stiller.

So, in honor of this fake documentary that chronicles the struggles of making "Tropic Thunder" I shall review the trailer whole-heartedly.

This is f***ing hilarious. Seriously. RDJ spouting out about 1973 espadrilles? Awesome. If this is a hint to what the movie is going to be, this will be absolutely hilarious.

GRADE: A

4. Hell Ride We've got Michael Madsen, Milo from 24, Carradine, Hopper and just a regular bunch of badasses.


This Tarantino-produced flick looks like a lot of fun and might appeal to some people if it can get the play in theatres. Tarantino's name should help, like it did with "Hero", but, to be honest, I don't know if people want more "Grindhouse"ish fare. I mean, it was a colossal failure. But, I'm definitely there, because sometimes a movie just has to be a good time.

GRADE: B+ Let's hope this red band trailer points to some good stuff.